It was a very small room with a domed ceiling, one perfectly round window, and various necessities such as a dresser and the bed. Just then, I heard a call from somewhere on the other side of the door.
“Bilbo? Bilbo! Are you in there?”
Then I heard another voice, this one much closer.
“I'm terribly ill, it's very contagious, and I wouldn't want to pass it on. Goodbye!”
This statement was followed by a fluent stream of muttering that I won't repeat here. There were some hurried footsteps, and I heard a door open. Being utterly confused and having nothing better to do, I opened my little round door also. A small figure with large hairy feet stood in front of me, glancing furtively out the windows. He noticed me.
“Oh, good you're up. I was wondering how long you'd sleep.” he said.
“Um...” I mumbled incoherently.
“Well, no time to lose. Tonight is the big party, you know. 111, can you believe it? Ah well, we'd best be going.”
With that he walked straight out a slightly larger round door at the front of the house, if you can call it that, and out into the bright sunshine. Once again being confused and unoccupied, I followed him.
Gandalf really didn't fit through the door. He banged his head just like I had earlier that morning. I stifled a laugh. He had lead me away from the glorious party, the dozens of little people running about, the fireworks, the food, everything. He wanted me to see something.
“Go in the kitchen, and don't let yourself be seen or heard.” he commanded.
“Um...” I stammered.
“Go!”
I shuffled into the adjoining kitchen from the main room and crouched next to the wall. Gandalf stood in a corner of the room. We waited for a few minutes, and then I heard somebody coming up to the door and muttering to himself. He came in the door and I saw that it was Bilbo. Maybe that copious amount of distress-sounding noise from the party had something to do with him dashing up here by himself. He walked into the main room, and Gandalf startled him.
“So you still have it, do you?”
“What? Have what?” Bilbo jumped. “Oh, this little thing, ha ha. Yes, I've kept it around all these years. Silly, I know...”
“No, it is not. You aren't fooling me, Bilbo. I know what that ring has done and what it can do.”
“I was only having a bit of fun!” Bilbo maintained.
“A bit of fun, eh? For all we know, all nine could be on their way here now because of your 'fun'!”
Gandalf was getting angry.
“Wait, all 'nine'? Nine what?” I stood up and interjected.
Gandalf turned to me.
“What did I tell you? Shut up!”
I meekly returned to my spot in the kitchen.
“What's he doing here?” asked Bilbo.
“Oh, now there is something I have never figured out.” stated Gandalf with a sigh.
“So how in the world, or Middle Earth I should say, are we supposed to get in there?”
I was beginning to get very frustrated sitting next to this ominous black pool of water and a sheer granite cliff with a strange illuminated door on it.
“We have to remember the password.” said Pippin.
“I know that, but what's the password?” I indignantly asked.
“Well, this is just a random guess, but what if it's a fruit or vegetable?” said Sam.
“Yeah, like a melon or something?” said Frodo.
And with that, the doors cracked open. Just the thought of cantaloupe was enough for those old dwarves to open the gates to their...palace. I looked in the black hole that had appeared in the cliff-side, and I couldn't see a thing. Nothing at all. I was expecting warm fires and more little hairy people and food and company! Dark, dank, and dismal was all I got. Why did I come on this trip again?
However much I despised that black hole, I was thankful for it. Because just then a monstrous octopus-type thing with a huge mouth came out of the water and started grabbing at us. Aragorn and Borimir valiantly chopped off some tentacles and Legolas shot it right in the spleen with a well-placed arrow, but that just ticked it off more. Realizing we were fighting a losing battle here, we all dashed into the unknown blackness that is Moria.
“He said their armor is weak below the shoulder.” said Aragorn.
“Thanks. I really wish I could understand Legolas when he starts speaking Elvish.”
I was worried he had said something like “Cover me, I'm going in.” or something else heroic like that.
“Yeah, learning Elven was definitely – hey, is that rain? Oh, man! This is terrible. I hate rain.”
Aragorn was glowering at the sky.
“Well, those 10,000 orcs out there don't seem to mind. They'll probably slay every last woman and child whether it rains or not.”
“Yeah, I guess you're right. Well, 'tally ho' as they say. Let's kick some orc butt!”
Ew, this stuff is sticky, he thought to himself. What is it?
Having just climbed a massive staircase (if you could call it that, it was more like a ladder without rungs), and being exhausted, Frodo was slightly out of sorts.
Well, I guess it doesn't matter. Just gotta keep -
“WOAH! Holy crap, what was that?!”
A supremely enormous arachnid had just made a swipe at him. Frodo was terrified beyond all reason, of course, and the spider was very annoyed that she had missed.
“Hey, uh, Gandalf?” Pippin looked concerned.
“Yes, Master Peregrine?”
“Yeah, uh, you might want to come give Denethor a talking to. He's, uh, trying to burn Faramir alive.”
“Hmm, that is a problem isn't it?” Gandalf thought deeply.
“I thought so, so I came to get you.”
“Well, alright. Shadowfax, let's go!”
“Well guys, we did it.” I said proudly.
The four hobbits and I were on our long journey back to the Shire.
“So what are all of you planning to do next?” I asked. “I mean, what could ever top saving the world?”
“I'm going straight to the Green Dragon and having a couple pints” said Pippin.
“I'll probably go make myself a new pipe. I haven't had a good smoke since Isengard.” said Merry.
“What about you, Frodo?” I asked.
“Oh, I've heard that Gray Havens place is pretty nice. I might see everybody back home and then go check it out.”
There was a long pause.
“And you, Sam?” I asked.
We all looked over at him. He was gazing off into the distance, a small smile and a look of wonder on his face. Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and I all looked at each other.
“Rosie.”
We all laughed heartily.
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